Have you ever walked into a room full of people and sensed something about the atmosphere? You might enter a boardroom and, without knowing any context, perceive either excitement or tension. Or what about collaboration and creativity compared to strife and contradiction?

I often sense a particular spirit when I interact with an individual — courage, fear, curiosity, determination, openness. When people come together, they tend to adopt certain group behaviours based on the people with the strongest influence in the room.

Much of my work involves facilitating such group interactions. Sadly, I often see how unhealthy group dynamics can dampen the general atmosphere and thus productivity.

How intentional are you to perceive the atmosphere? Are you open to it and focusing on it? How successful do you feel at influencing the atmosphere, especially when you are not the one with the most official authority in the room?

In this blog, I share some leadership lessons about how to influence the atmosphere to bring out the best in individuals and groups.

1. Shifting the atmosphere

I recently had the opportunity to facilitate a multi-day group session with regional leaders of a multinational company. The people in the room were from regions as diverse as Europe, the Middle East, Asia, and Africa.

For the first few days, we really struggled to make progress. On the surface, everyone was talking about the same thing and agreeing in principle. But in reality, everyone was pulling in different directions.

When you’re deeply grounded in your own spiritual source, you can influence the spiritual atmosphere in a room — whether you’re the one with the most organizational authority and power or, like me in this context, if you’re not.

In the middle of a conversation that clearly was going nowhere, I silently turned inward and prayed for guidance. I changed direction and got the team to engage with each other and acknowledge each other. That shift made a huge difference in the atmosphere and the impact of the intervention.

At the end of our work together, the atmosphere was completely different — the group had a sense of accomplishment.

Pausing to ask for guidance and responding to the answer I received allowed me to shift the atmosphere from competition and contradiction to collaboration and cooperation.

I must add that similar experiences throughout my career have taught me that there isn’t a formula for how to shift the atmosphere. To be effective, I’ve found that it must be motivated by a higher purpose, such as the desire to serve or love for my fellow human beings.

2. Resisting a negative spirit

Only a month after the previous scenario, I was again participating in a group session with several international leaders.

The spiritual atmosphere here was much more negative than before. An underlying tone of control, distrust, lies, disrespect, and manipulation dominated the room.

I soon discovered that most of this spiritual energy came from one person who influenced another person and vice versa. I must admit that I only realized what was going on when it was too late – I wasn’t 100% present. As much as I tried to influence the spiritual atmosphere, they already had such a strong influence on the other people that none of my attempts made much of a difference.

On some level, they were aware that I was trying to change the spiritual atmosphere. And they were not happy about it. It even prompted one of them to describe some very shocking things about what has been done and what they will do to maintain power.

I’ve not often encountered someone with such a dark presence.

This person offered me a perfect opportunity to practice separating the person from the behaviour. As much as I would call some of the behaviour I experienced evil, I asked myself how I could love the person.

I could not tell if my actions made much difference. In fact, most often, the spiritual result of our actions, both good and bad, often takes much longer than we expect to come into fruition. So it’s difficult to measure its true impact.

However, what I do know is that my ability to discern the spiritual atmosphere and identify its source allowed me to resist going along with behaviour that goes against my values.

3. Contributing to a positive atmosphere

The last example comes from a client with whom I’ve had a long engagement. It involved traveling to their site on a regular basis and getting to know the team well.

After this engagement ended, the client approached me to ask that I return to do more work with them. They specifically mentioned that they value the positivity and the acknowledgement of the people I bring to their team.

Acknowledging people unconditionally is not difficult, but it’s rare — which makes it so special when someone does it. It contributes to a positive and productive atmosphere.

The words I’d use to describe a positive atmosphere are found in the book of Galatians in the Bible. In Chapter 5, it speaks about the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control.  These traits are not always common practice in the business world, where we tend to focus on business results rather than the person.

However, the behaviour that comes from the spiritual state described in this passage promotes healthy relationships, collaboration, using our talents optimally and good teamwork. They create the environment where people can produce the business results we’re after.

It’s then not surprising that the famous Harvard Study of Adult Development found that people with warm relationships earned on average $141,00 a year more at the peak of their careers, as reported in Triumphs of Experience, a book on the study.

Cultivating a positive spirit and sharing that spirit through your work enhances your and others’ lives—also financially. If we realize this truth as leaders, we know it is our responsibility to cultivate this kind of positive atmosphere wherever we go.

Leadership takeaways

Here are some practical actions you can take towards implementing these leadership lessons.

• Cultivate a positive spirit with edifying spiritual practices for your own and others’ benefit.
• Identify negative spiritual forces and take decisive spiritual actions.
• Prepare well, be 100% present, ask for inner guidance and respond to prompts to shift a negative or unproductive atmosphere.

Influencing the atmosphere is not as mystical as it sounds. If you cultivate a healthy state of being and live it out consistently, you will find yourself living in a more positive state and enable others to benefit from it too.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Arash Emamzadeh

A Research-Based Guide to Becoming a Great Listener

Paraphrasing, clarifying, and conversational uptake.

Posted January 25, 2023 |  Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

• High-quality listening is associated with positive outcomes like greater intimacy, interpersonal chemistry, and relationship satisfaction.
• Listening can be expressed through behaviors that are verbal (paraphrasing), non-verbal (nodding), and paralinguistic (voice pitch).
• The most effective way of making someone feel heard is through the use of verbal signals—acknowledging, paraphrasing, and asking questions.

Published in Current Opinion in Psychology, a recent paper by H. K. Collins of Harvard University reviews the latest research on high-quality listening.

This post is a selective summary of the article.

The Benefits of Listening

High-quality listening is associated with many positive outcomes for both the speaker and the listener. For instance, listening responsively, in a way that creates a sense of safety and intimacy, promotes interpersonal chemistry.

At work, high-quality listening reduces burnout and increases well-being, trust, commitment, job knowledge, work performance, job satisfaction, and leadership. And according to a recent study, it even reduces loneliness (after disclosure of rejection experiences).

Listening is beneficial in many domains. For example, patients who feel listened to are more likely to adhere to their prescribed treatment, just as romantic partners who feel heard usually cope better and are more satisfied with their relationship.

Feeling listened to is also a pleasurable experience, though it is not directly related to being heard. In other words, people may feel heard when they are not really listened to, just as one may be listened to attentively but not feel heard.

Showing That One Has Been Listening

What is listening? It differs significantly from hearing. Listening is less automatic and more active, intentional, and effortful. It involves three stages:

1. Paying attention to the relevant aspects of the conversation.
2. Interpreting and evaluating the content of the conversation.
3. Showingthat you have been listening. This third stage is necessary to make the speaker feel heard.

This last stage is also the only time when deception is possible. After all, the speaker can only guess, based on expressions of listening, whether his/her conversation partner has been truly listening. These listening expressions include signals categorized as nonverbal, paralinguistic, and verbal, as described below.

3 Expressions of Active Listening

Nonverbal cues of good listening consist of body language signals such as leaning forward, nodding, maintaining eye contact, and appropriate facial expressions (e.g., smiling, furrowing of the brows).

Paralinguistic signs of good listening refer to vocal effects that are not verbal. These include matching the speaker’s style of speaking or tone of voice and making appropriate utterances—sighing, groaning, saying “hmm” or “uh-huh,” etc. These cues are important for communicating attention, interest, and understanding, and for establishing rapport.

Finally, verbal behaviors that indicate active listening include:

• Paraphrasing, which means restating what someone has said in order to communicate your attention and understanding of it. (“It sounds to me that you have been reluctant to share these concerns with your mother. Is that right?”)
• Requests for clarification. (“What do you mean your brother is ‘out of it’ these days?”)
• Conversational uptake, which refers to building on the contribution of the speaker by acknowledging, repeating, or elaborating. (“Talking to your dad was a good first step.”)
• Asking questions and follow-ups. (“What happened after you spoke to your dad?”)

The Importance of Verbal Cues of Attentive Listening

Note, most nonverbal and paralinguistic behaviors (e.g., nodding, saying “uh-huh,” eye contact) commonly associated with attentive listening are not directly related to the verbal content of what is being said. Therefore, they can be performed by both attentive listeners and pretenders.

In short, nonverbal and paralinguistic signs of good listening can be faked. These dishonest expressions of listening may help the listener achieve short-term goals, but they prevent the pursuit of long-term goals like mutual understanding.

Hence, to achieve long-term informational and relational goals, it is necessary to use reliable listening cues—listening behaviors that are not easy to fake. This means relying on verbal rather than paralinguistic or nonverbal cues.

A good example of such dependable cues is paraphrasing. Why? Because restating what has been said in one’s own words requires attention, cognitive processing of information, selecting the most important content, and communicating one’s understanding to the speaker.

So, paraphrasing is effortful and cognitively taxing. The same is true of good follow-up questions. A poor follow-up question would immediately reveal a failure to listen or remember key information.

In summary, verbal expressions are direct, useful, and reliable ways of showing that one has been listening. Indeed, listening with the intention of using verbal cues later helps you listen better, pay closer attention, and process the information more deeply.

Paralinguistic or nonverbal cues (e.g., nodding, saying “hmmm”) are useful only for immediate expressions of listening. Verbal signs of listening, by contrast, are more important either…:

• Later in the conversation, to call the speaker’s attention to a matter mentioned earlier in the conversation.
• In future conversations: To reference a discussion that took place hours, days, or weeks earlier.

Takeaway

Listening involves attention, processing of spoken information, and expressions of listening. Only the last stage makes a speaker feel heard.

So, how to make someone feel heard—be they a coworker, friend, romantic partner, parent, or child?

Here are some suggestions:

• To express listening when your conversational partner is speaking, use appropriate non-verbal and paralinguistic cues. Some examples are saying “hmm” or “uh-huh,” nodding, and leaning in.
• To express listening when it isyourturn to speak, use verbal cues, such as paraphrasing or asking thoughtful follow-up questions.

Use verbal cues as much as possible because they are difficult to fake when compared to other cues (e.g., nodding, saying “mhmm”).

Verbal signs are honest expressions of listening and, as such, can promote relationship satisfaction, reciprocal honesty, and a greater willingness to disclose personal information.

Indeed, being heard is associated with enhanced well-being and relational benefits like increased trust, and as a result, greater intimacy and relationship satisfaction. As Collins notes, the best listening is, counterintuitively, “spoken.”

Arash Emamzadeh attended the University of British Columbia in Canada, where he studied genetics and psychology. He has also done graduate work in clinical psychology and neuropsychology in U.S.

The experience made me think of these words from the introduction of my book, The Leaders Inner Source:

What “inner source” does the leader go to for wisdom and guidance in making decisions on an unconscious level […]? […] Do we know how to tap into that latent source inside us when our analytical minds and strategic abilities fail us?

And how do we engage with those we lead – only with our heads or also at a deeper level? Can we engage with others from that special place inside ourselves and allow them the space to do the same?

Staring at a hot bed of coals and deciding whether you’re going to walk over them doesn’t make much sense to our analytical minds. You have to engage with a deeper level of yourself to decide how to respond.

Witnessing firewalking reminded me of the seven leadership dimensions that my PhD study uncovered and here I share the five leadership lessons that I took from the experience.

1. Be fully present

All the team members at the firewalking event were fully present in the moment. The exercise left us little other option but to be mindful, the first leadership dimension. Even I who didn’t participate was keenly aware of the sensations in my body, soul, and spirit.

Some people were clearly nervous, and their bodies were showing it. The adrenaline was pumping.

Even more interesting was what was happening in the realm of the soul (mind, emotions, and will) and spirit. Many people see firewalking as a mind-over-matter exercise. More accurately, it is an exercise of mind over emotions.

On the level of the body, heat doesn’t travel very well between coals and the soles of your feet, so if you walk over the coals fast enough, you’re unlikely to burn. However, to do that, you must win a battle of your soul: your mind must overcome strong emotions such as fear and uncertainty to muster up a strong will to complete this exercise.

When it comes to the spirit, some people experience firewalking as a spiritual event while others don’t. Historically, it was practiced as a religious exercise, but these days it isn’t, especially in western societies. As someone who believes that every person is essentially spiritual, I was keenly aware of the spiritual atmosphere during the firewalking exercise. However, my colleague who was with me and who shares many of my spiritual views didn’t experience the spiritual atmosphere the same way I did.

It reminded me that each of us needs to discern what is right for us and act accordingly. Part of this is to create the space for those who believe differently than we do to live true to their convictions.

That starts with being mindful of what we are experiencing in our body, soul and spirit.

2) Awaken to new potential and infinite possibilities

Several participants told me that firewalking reminded them that we are capable of more.

As one person put it:

I have been afraid of fire my whole life, and the idea of walking on fire petrified me.

Pushing through was a breakthrough in concurring my fear. The courage to walk on fire made me realise that I can accomplish anything that I set my mind to.

In the future, I will turn my fears into energy to accomplish my goals.

My colleague mentioned that the experience reminded him that we were made to do more than what we tend to settle for. What seems impossible now can become possible if we’re willing to expand our minds.

These takeaways speak to leadership dimensions of inspired creativity and creating infinite possibilities. As leaders, we should always challenge ourselves to see and believe more: in ourselves, the future, and others.

3) Act in line with your vision

If you decide you’re going to walk over that bed of coals, your best chance of not burning is to have clarity of direction, another leadership dimension I discuss in my book. You must know where you’re heading and not falter on the way.

Clarity of direction is also about inspiring your team.

The team leader who had organised the event had to conquer the same fear and uncertainty as everyone else to take his first step. The leader set the example and showed his team what is possible by going first.

As leaders, we not only cast the vision. We must go beyond words and inspire others with our example. Even if it’s hard and even if there’s fear, if you take the first step and continue in the journey, others will believe in you and your vision for the future. It’s your action that inspires people to follow along.

4) Create space for others

It’s not only the leader who gets to inspire others. The team also inspired each other.

Everyone was cheering each other on. Some people who at first did not want to participate became motivated to do it too.      

While this is a good example of non-hierarchical leadership at play, I believe there’s also another side of the coin to consider: to create space for others who don’t view things the same as we do.

All sixteen people on the team ended up participating in the firewalking event. If all of them did it because they felt it was the right thing for them to do, that is wonderful. However, we can never know whether that was the case. Did anyone possibly go home and regret the experience? They are unlikely to ever tell anyone on the team, especially not their leader.

In our organisations, we tend to value participation and people who “get” the vision. But do we create safe spaces for people who don’t?

According to the fifth leadership dimension, unconditional engagement, we should value people intrinsically because of who they are as human beings. Value and worth should not be based on people’s behaviour.

In an organisational context, it’s easy to do the opposite: to coerce adherence to the values and desires we want. Unfortunately for us, it doesn’t work in the long run. When people are coerced, they disengage, and productivity tanks.

As leaders, yes, we must inspire our people to be more. However, we must not delude ourselves into thinking that we can decide what that “more” is for another human being. Our role remains to inspire, not to force or coerce. Sometimes the line between inspiration and coercion can be very subtle, so it’s important that we remain aware of it.

5) Lean into becoming more

As humans and leaders, we’re often looking for ways to overcome our fears, stretch our limits and take our contribution to a next level. After witnessing firewalking, I can see why people experience it as something that helps them achieve this desire. However, firewalking is by no means the only means to get there.

Our souls (will, thinking and emotions) are an unlimited resource that we can tap into. However, our souls often get trapped in the challenges of daily life, and it struggles to rise above them.

This is where our spirits come into play. Our spirit connects us to a higher reality, and it thinks in terms of life and peace. When our souls get hung up in the distractions of life, our spirits can help us move beyond those trappings.

Witnessing firewalking made me think again about where I go to when I’ve reached the end of myself. It affirmed my conviction that spiritual awareness is the core leadership dimension that we can lean into to do and become more.

As I wrote before:

When we are brave enough to venture into the space of the spirit, the breakthroughs and insights are always tremendous.

The thing about firewalking is that you’ll at most do it a few times in your life. In contrast, growing in spiritual awareness is something you can benefit from every day.

By Dr Rean du Plessis

To book a session with Dr. Rean du Plessis contact us at info@mypocketcoach.co.za to connect.

But when last did someone do it for you?

If you’re a senior or executive leader, chances are not too recently. I know because it’s one of the main reasons my coaching clients seek out my services.
Senior leaders need to consciously create circumstances that’s conducive to growth if they don’t want to stagnate.

The leader’s barrier to growth
When you’ve reached a certain level of success in your career, subordinates and even peers are much less likely to call out potential areas of growth than when you were more junior.
The thing is, as Marshall Goldsmith says in his book by the same title: what got you here won’t get you there.

Your current leadership brand has enabled you to get to where you are today. However, you need to rebrand yourself just like a business does. Whether it’s to stay relevant in a changing market or to take new ground, you need to rebrand yourself if you want to reach the next level in your leadership journey.

Start with yourself
A natural place to want to start self-transformation is with yourself:
● Pause and reflect
● Identify your strengths
● Identify areas of yourself that need further development or that bother you
● Ask yourself what’s the one thing that will give your career a boost
● Rely on your inner source

Those are all valid strategies, but they are limited to your own perspective. It means that you might be missing a crucial shortcoming or strength that you could grow.
You can widen that perspective by getting input from others.

Get input from others
Eliciting and interpreting feedback from others is not always as simple as it seems. Many people feel intimidated to give candid feedback to their leader or someone they see as successful. As leaders with strong opinions, we can also easily dismiss or miss important nuances in feedback.

A very useful technique for getting input from others is the Johari Window. It helps you see more of yourself by asking for others’ perspectives. This technique is especially helpful for soliciting feedback from people who wouldn’t normally feel comfortable sharing their views of you, like subordinates or those with less power in an organisation.

If you want feedback from peers, superiors, mentors, friends, or family, you could simply ask them for input without using a structured technique. I find feedback from spiritual mentors and friends especially insightful since they don’t only rely on their minds and emotions but also on their spirits.

As the one receiving feedback, be an active listener. Listen carefully on a deeper level to what a person is attempting to tell you they need from you. They often won’t spell it out, and they themselves might not even know what they are trying to say. Also listen and look for connections and patterns between different people and situations using your body, soul and spirit.

Active listening also means being open to both positive and negative feedback. Some people tend to think of personal growth as improving what they’re bad at. However, growth could also involve uncovering or practicing a neglected strength.

Create your own magic
We aren’t able to predict the future, also not who the future you will be. However, by asking for feedback and actively engaging in recreating your personal leadership brand, you’re creating possible scenarios. By being intentional and engaged, you’re increasing your chances of success and progress.

It all comes back to believing in the magic of new growth. Instead of waiting for some magical solution to the problem of stagnated personal growth, you’re making the magic happen. And taking others along on the journey.

By Dr. Rean du Plessis
To book a session with Dr. du Plessis contact us at info@mypocketcoach.co.za

1. Expertise and Flexibility
Gone are the days when leadership required technical proficiency – regarded as a baseline competence today. Leaders who may not have expertise in technology use their wisdom – known as Phronesis by the ancient Greeks – a combination of experience and wisdom to guide decisions. Use data and wisdom – flexibility to gain insights and knowledge from employees and customers to make appropriate decisions. Be flexible in your decision-making process and reverse wrong decisions if necessary, by always taking responsibility for the decision.

2. Transformational and Transactional leadership
Visionary leadership is essential. However, the roadmap for getting there may be a little opaque. Get around this by making sure your vision is realistic and communicated clearly to followers to allow for ownership of the vision. Focus on tangible first goals that can be expanded into other areas.

3. Active listening precedes decision making
Listening carefully to seek to understand before being understood is vital to allow for ownership. Empower others to achieve goals and hold them accountable. Once careful listening has happened, be decisive.

4. Intuition and Rational
Research has shown that EQ is a superior intelligence that processes information a hundred thousand times faster than the conscious brain – it can make 10 million connections in one second. However, in today’s digital world analytics data driven decision-making should precede any intuitive decision. However, once the data is provided and intuition is conflicting, look harder before informing any decision.

5. Speed and Perfection
Perfectionism is a long outdated concept. Better to fail fast than to risk missing the boat completely. However, find the balance between perfectionism with testing and consideration to avoid making premature decisions that could be disastrous

What to do:
Know thyself, wrote the ancient Greeks. Participating in a scientific EQ assessment will indicate your level of self-awareness that is critical. Knowing yourself so that you can deepen strengths and bridge growth areas is key in leadership today. Know that when you commit to continuous learning you grow. It’s not always comfortable. Listen more, we have two ears and one mouth and should use it in that proportion.
However, above all, believe in yourself.

By Gail Cameron