The pressures to perform, adapt and change has been immense but it is time to unwind from these tides and take a moment to enjoy the sunshine of our autumn afternoons and let go of the anxieties that our bodies and minds have been accumulating. Pause, breathe and become aware of where you are both physically and mentally.

Like nature we should slow down, shed the skins of our younger selves and grow into the great potential that is inspired through change. During a Life Skills coaching session we incorporate and encourage many methods of stress release and stress management. Understand that what we have experienced throughout the world has a great impact on you, and that taking steps to unwrap your thoughts and feelings and becoming aware of any tensions and stress is the first steps in unwinding from them.

View our Personal Development section for more life skills coaching options.

by Johanica Havenga

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.  Repeated studies show that by using EMDR therapy people can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to make a difference. It is widely assumed that severe emotional pain requires a long time to heal.  EMDR therapy shows that the mind can in fact heal from psychological trauma much as the body recovers from physical trauma.  When you cut your hand, your body works to close the wound.  If a foreign object or repeated injury irritates the wound, it festers and causes pain.  Once the block is removed, healing resumes.  EMDR therapy demonstrates that a similar sequence of events occurs with mental processes.  The brain’s information processing system naturally moves toward mental health.  If the system is blocked or imbalanced by the impact of a disturbing event, the emotional wound festers and can cause intense suffering.  Once the block is removed, healing resumes.  Using the detailed protocols and procedures learned in EMDR therapy training sessions, clinicians help clients activate their natural healing processes.

More than 30 positive controlled outcome studies have been done on EMDR therapy.  Some of the studies show that 84%-90% of single-trauma victims no longer have post-traumatic stress disorder after only three 90-minute sessions.  Another study, funded by the HMO Kaiser Permanente, found that 100% of the single-trauma victims and 77% of multiple trauma victims no longer were diagnosed with PTSD after only six 50-minute sessions. In another study, 77% of combat veterans were free of PTSD in 12 sessions. There has been so much research on EMDR therapy that it is now recognized as an effective form of treatment for trauma and other disturbing experiences by organizations such as the American Psychiatric Association, the World Health Organization and the Department of Defense. Given the worldwide recognition as an effective treatment of trauma, you can easily see how EMDR therapy would be effective in treating the “everyday” memories that are the reason people have low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, and all the myriad problems that bring them in for therapy. Over 100,000 clinicians throughout the world use the therapy.  Millions of people have been treated successfully over the past 25 years.

EMDR therapy involves attention to three time periods:  the past, present, and future.  Focus is given to past disturbing memories and related events.  Also, it is given to current situations that cause distress, and to developing the skills and attitudes needed for positive future actions.  With EMDR therapy, these items are addressed using an eight-phase treatment approach.

At My Pocket Coach we have two qualified EMDR Therapist and sessions can be booked with them.

Photo by Mitchell Griest from Unsplash

The challenge with resilience is that, it’s only when faced with adversity that one’s strength of resilience or lack thereof is highlighted. Now, with the current onset of change and uncertainty, it’s important to understand and enhance these skills.

Decades of research has shown us that resilience is a skill that can be taught. There are three psychologists who significantly contributed to the knowledge we have regarding resilience today. Norman Garmezy, was the first to extensively research the subject. Emmy Werner described certain predictors of resilience, most notably, an internal locus of control, which refers to the degree to which people believe they have control over the outcome of events in their lives. Research by psychologist George Bonanno, was particularly interesting as he highlighted the importance of perception in resilience. It was Bonanno who said, “Events are not traumatic, until they are experienced as traumatic.” In other words, it is the way in which we internalise events which determines if we experience it as traumatic or not. Herein lies the potential or learning. According to Bonanno, “positive construal of events can be taught.”

We make ourselves more or less vulnerable by the way in which we think about things. As sophisticated and evolved as the human brain is, our stress-response system is still very much primal. Sometimes our brains let us down by taking a minor thing, blowing it up in our minds, running it through over and over, thinking about all the ‘what-if’ scenarios until we feel like the worst possible outcome is going to happen. This becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, the opposite is also true, if we can learn to positively reframe a potentially traumatic event, we feel more capable of handling it, as we feel a sense of empowerment or control. This, in-turn, makes our experience of the event less traumatic. We can then take action to move on, learn from it and grow, making us more confident in our ability to handle the next challenge.

Here are some tips and simple activities to enhance your resilience:

• Practice a growth mind-set

Reflect on a past traumatic event or set -back that you endured.

Reflect on what you were worried about or afraid of at the time.

How did the event actually turn out?

Did anything positive come out of this event?

Write down 3 things you are grateful for today.

• Practice positive-reframing

Identify one or two concerns or worries you have right now. Write them down.

What positive outcomes or opportunities could possibly come from these events? Challenge yourself to write down at least one positive potential outcome for each of the above concerns.

• Acknowledge and let go of negative emotions.

(It’s vitally important that you do not supress negative emotions. Learn to let them come and go, but do not focus on them.)

Write down 3 negative emotions you are feeling right now.

Allow yourself to feel these emotions for 3-5 minutes.

Now using a mindfulness technique, let these emotions go.

by Hayley Kirby

Image from Jordan Cormack on Unsplash

With all these “new” crucial items added to our already lengthy “To Do Lists”, how do we stay focused on what is REALLY important? Where do we find fulfilment? Will enough ever be enough? 

Here are 3 tips to Adapt, Adjust and Alter.

Step 1: Prioritise your Spirituality 

Whether it is your faith or belief system, your soul shapes the essence of who YOU ARE. Of your values, morals, well-being, self-esteem, strength and ultimately behaviour. Your soul should be like a well watered garden. When you water your soul with kindness, faith and compassion sprouts forth a pageant of delightful aromas, deep roots and strong trees. When the soul befalls in drought, our skies become darker, hearts easily scorched, minds cloudy, roots dry and branches breakable. Therefore, water your soul so that your well never runs dry and your springs overflow with hope, goodness and self-control.

Step 2: Never prioritise THINGS over PEOPLE 

It has become easy to get lost in this fast-paced technological-era that we’ve stumbled into. We are constantly focused on our never ending deadlines, infinite lists to do, bountiful responsibilities and piercing screens; that we forget about our most important commodity – OUR PEOPLE. Ask yourself this: What are you doing all of this for? You are not going to be around on earth forever. What are you dedicating your time to? There are many speculations about what happens when we leave this earth, but most theories suggest that we leave everything behind. Your relationships and connections to people is something that will live forever with love and memories but when you leave you leave behind that flat screen tv graciously displayed in your living room, that new iPhone resting in your pocket, the couple of cents in your wallet, and the four wheels resting in your garage. So what is more important during this lockdown period? The new game of candy crush on your phone or spending time with your son or daughter in the garden? Watching that movie on Netflix or having a cup of coffee with your significant other to find out where their mind is at? NEVER prioritise things over the people you care about.

Step 3: BALANCE (Pizza)

I am not suggesting that you get rid of that lengthy to-do list and throw bountiful responsibilities out of the window. Everything is about BALANCE.  Place your life on a metaphorical scale. If you spend most of your time on your work, your relationship with your hobbies, family and spouse will deteriorate. On the other hand, if you spend more time on hobbies, family and spouse, you might not be able to keep a job in order to provide for them. BALANCE is key.  I would like to encourage you to partake in the Pizza Experiment.

Draw a pizza on a blank piece of paper and allocate each slice to an important part of your life. You get to choose how many slices you would like to cut your pizza into and fill it with every topping of your choice. We each get to create our totally own unique perfect pizza! Some relationships, hobbies, alone time and some extra work and studies and a bit of baking and reading on the side. When the Pizza is done the challenge begins – You now need to make sure that you balance out those pizza pieces and spend time with each piece allocation. Your pizza could change over time so make sure that you constantly Adapt, Adjust and Alter. 

By Elri Wium

Photo by Salome Watel on Unsplash

Definition of prayer: “An earnest hope or wish”

We are facing an enormous challenge and while we have taken many measures to secure our safety there is still a feeling of uncertainty about what the future may hold. So what should we do? I am reminded of a  story of an elderly man who after being diagnosed with the virus fought for his life in ICU. He was on a ventilator for many days until finally things took a turn. He began improving until he was finally cleared! Unfortunately however, as he was about to leave the hospital he was told the price he would have to pay for using the ventilator. It was so high that all the staff and nurses who served him felt great sympathy. To their surprise he began to laugh! Finally he said: “ all my life I have taken breathing for granted. I have never had to pay anything for the air that entered my lungs and sustained my life. Today this price is a lesson and a reminder that I indeed have so much to be thankful for!”

What an inspiring thought. So often when one is overwhelmed by negative news one fails to see the things one can be thankful for. The principle of focus is that whatever you focus on grows. When you shift into a state of gratitude you are awakened to a better quality of life. To make this practice conscious you can use prayer. Prayer is powerful in that it helps you to set an intention and focus your attention. It is grounding and brings you into the present through positive focus. Choose to make a practice of thanking God/ Source/the Universe in prayer and inspire hope to those around you. Remember too that anything done in agreement and with others multiplies in power. Invite someone to join you on your journey of gratitude.

Types of prayer:
Meditative, Silent, Vocal

Exercise:
For the next couple of lockdown days using one of the types of prayer mentioned above, decide to start your day with thanksgiving! Choose three (3) things you can be thankful for. (Invite someone to join you)

My Simple Prayer

“Today I am thankful for

1. ___________ 2. ____________3. ___________

By Chivonne Jones, Life coach and Image Development specialist.

Photo by Zac Durant on Unsplash