Shifting Negative Beliefs – background
An interesting development in corporate coaching in South African at present is the need for psychological safety coaching. Undoubtedly our stressful environment has left many people feeling overwhelmed and incapable of moving their lives forward.
However, there is another way to look at this. The truth is that our negative experiences are the very ones that enable us to grow and expand. Without this hardship, you would never be the person you are. Negative experiences can become gifts and strengths that we are able to pass on as our awareness grows and we continue to enhance the lives of others. All suffering comes from either denying or disliking an aspect of ourselves. When we honour every part of us, including the emotions we’re denying or resisting, we are able to shift negative beliefs in powerful and empowering ways.
Solutions:
But, as Bessel van der Kolk states: “Traumatic experiences leave traces in our histories, cultures, families being imperceptibly passed down through generations. They also leave traces on our minds and emotions on our capacity for joy and intimacy and even on our biology and immune systems. It takes tremendous energy to keep functioning while carrying the burden of our past such as weakness and vulnerability. Whilst we all want to move past adversity, the part of the brain that is devoted to ensuring our survival, is not very good at denial. Long after the adversity experience is over, it may be reactivated at the slightest hint of danger and mobilize disturbed brain circuits and secrete massive amounts of stress hormones. This precipitates unpleasant emotions intense physical sensations and impulse and aggressive actions.”
For many of our clients this may be triggered by relational difficulties such as a divorce or chronic stress or being over-looked for promotion or recognition in the workplace.
Hosting a workshop in financial services industry recently, a group of professionals remarked that the workshop on mindfulness, hope and compassion was the most powerful coaching they had ever received in their careers. Not surprising were the requests for individual coaching hereafter, to deal with their challenges.
As we analyzed the backgrounds and needs of our clients, we realised, that the repair strategies we were offering our clients were contributing to their wellness. Our repair strategies included, a mindfulness module, self-awareness, a repair strategy to shift negative beliefs and a module called Shifting Negative Believes to assist in shifting strong negative emotions. The trilogy of modules, we have designed has enabled clients to deal with their adversity and to move their lives forward in a sustainable way.
1. Mindfulness Module I Increasing Self-Awareness
1. Mindfulness
Mindfulness (conscious awareness of self – heart, mind, body and spirit : To enhance resilience and manage stress more effectively) – Richard Boyatzis and Annie Mckee (March 2006)
“Our world is a new world and it requires a new form of leadership. Everything we have taken for granted for hundreds of years is in the midst of profound transformation. Our climate is changing. There is a rise in disasters and diseases. The world is more unstable and more dangerous than it has ever been.
It distorts our sense of reason and ignites panic and anger as well as other ineffectual responses. Transformations bring opportunities – new possibilities of making your dreams come true.
Research and study in fields as diverse as management, medicine, psychology and philosophy show us the way. Resilient people are awake, aware and attuned to themselves, to others and to the world around them. They are mindful – they seek to live in full consciousness of self, others, nature and society. They face the uncertainty of today’s world with hope – they inspire through clarity of vision, optimism and a profound belief in their and their people’s ability to turn dreams into reality. They face challenges with empathy and compassion.
But even resilient people burnout as challenges seems unremitting and hope seems lost. Also, we live in a world that has placed little value on renewal or developing practices – habits of mind, body and behaviour that enable us to create and sustain resilience in the face of unending challenges.
On the contrary many organisations value destructive behaviour and tolerate discord and mediocre leadership for a long time, especially if a person appears to produce results – not much time or encouragement is given for cultivating skills and practices that will counter the effects of our stressful roles.
But when we sacrifice too much for too long and reap too little – we can become trapped in what is known as the Sacrifice Syndrome. Life can be stressful and lonely – in the virtual world that we seem to exist in as our power and influence is eroded by distance and isolation. The Sacrifice Syndrome means that we may find ourselves slipping into internal disquiet, unrest and distress.
Why does dissonance happen? Because of power stress, unrelenting pressure, facing one crisis after another, not living a balanced life, and allowing our beliefs (that are not positive) to influence our current thinking, can lead to power stress and ultimately even to chronic stress. To counter this therefore, we need to renew themselves holistically in a way that involves the mind, body, heart and spirit.
Renewal can be a conscious process that actually involves physiological and psychological changes that enable us to counter the effects of chronic stress and sacrifice. It all begins with mindfulness, hope and compassion.
- Mindfulness means being awake and aware, attending to ourselves and to the world around us.
- Hope enables us to believe that the future we envision is attainable and to move toward our visions and goals while inspiring others toward those goals as well.
- Compassion enables us to understand our own needs and the wants of others and to feel motivated to act appropriately on our feelings.
The above will enable you to remain resilient in the face of challenges even in uncertainty. Together these elements counter the destructive effects of stress and keep us continually in a state of renewal. This does not happen by accident – it involves deliberate change and conscious creation of, and engaging in a learning agenda.
The above evidence is born out of years of research to support these key ideas, concepts and practices in the fields of management, psychology, organisational behaviour, education and neurophysiology.
It is the most scientific way for you to move toward the future of your dreams.
People who think they can flourish without personal transformation are fooling themselves. You cannot inspire others and create the resonant relationships that ignite greatness in your families, organisations or communities without feeling inspired yourself and working to be the best person you can be. You must be “the change you wish to see in the world” (- Mahatma Gandhi).
Facing our own shortcomings is hard work indeed. Honesty with ourselves breeds vulnerability. When we see who we really are and don’t like it much, it hurts. Contrary to popular belief, it is not change itself that is so hard; what is hard is being honest with ourselves, looking at ourselves with no filters and admitting that we need to change. Many of us shy away from this honesty, to avoid the feeling of vulnerability. However, if you can look firmly and courageously at your innermost thoughts projected onto the screen of your world and connect the dots between your beliefs and your results – you will be well on your pathway to transformation.
And even for people who manage the role well and even during good times, the heavy responsibilities, isolation and looming threats take their toll, day in and day out. We give of ourselves almost constantly, often ignoring personal needs and desires and can soon find themselves in the grip of that special brand of stress that accompanies the sacrifice syndrome.
Living confidently comes as a result of hard work and a bit of luck. It requires discovering our own noble purpose, living it every day and being fully aware of ourselves and other people as human beings – mind, body, heart and soul.
Mindfully awake people realise their values and they truly care about others. They create a sense of hope about the future and excitement about the present for themselves and for others. They ask:
Am I an inspiration?
- Do I create an overall positive emotional tone that is characterised by hope?
- Am I in touch with others?
- Do I know what is in others’ hearts and minds?
- Do I experience and demonstrate compassion?
- Am I mindful – authentic and in tune with myself , others and the environment?
We have experienced great people who can attend to themselves holistically; they are attuned to themselves in body, mind , heart and soul. They are also in touch with and attuned to the people around them, while mindfully attending to the broader environment as well.
These leaders are compassionate toward themselves and others. Mindfulness and compassion enable them to create resilience in their relationships while continually renewing themselves. If we cannot envision a better future, how can we consciously make the choices that will get us there?
It is also the result of developing a combination of emotional intelligence, intellectual flexibility, the ability to read one’s environment and see possibilities and a basic belief in one’s own and others’ power to influence our lives.
And it all starts with you.