Poor communication is widely blamed for the breakdown of relationships, and yet how often do we think about how we express ourselves and in particular how we express our emotions.
Our emotions are a manifestation of how we experience the world around us and consequently, being able to express our emotions in an open and congruent way is a critical skill if we want to be heard and also to be able to build constructive relationships.
A fundamental cause of poor emotional expression is emotional disconnection. This is a lack of emotional attunement or the ability to recognise and understand emotions which prevents us from being able to regulate our emotions on a conscious level, with the result that we could be in danger of being emotionally reactive. Another factor which contributes to poor emotional expression is the suppression of emotion which is a reaction to negative associations or the perceived risk of communicating feelings in a particular situation. The outcome in both cases is poor communication which impacts negatively on our relationships and our emotional wellbeing.
The cornerstone of effective communication is emotional self-awareness. This is a basic Emotional Intelligence skill and fortunately it is learnable. Through a process of conscious selfexploration it is possible to gain the self-knowledge as well as the self-insight required to be able to make sense of our emotions and to understand why and how we express our emotions in a particular way. However, it is important to note that self-knowledge is not the same as selfinsight. Self-knowledge is necessary for developing self-insight, but unfortunately many learning experiences do not progress beyond the point of gathering self-knowledge when the real challenge is understanding how to use this information to facilitate growth and create meaningful change on a psychological as well as a practical level.
The guidance of a professional coach can be a crucial support in the process of translating knowledge into insight when this can sometimes be personally and emotionally challenging. The next step in the learning process is mastering the practical skills required to express yourself effectively. These skill can range from psycholinguistics to non-verbal skills and also to strategic communication which are most effectively learned by active engagement and the hands-on guidance of a trained communication expert.